i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
