is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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