Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
