this beer tastes like vomit already
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
