hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
