what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I am mentally ready for anal.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize