"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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