She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We talked him into tasing himself.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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