PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Randomize
