I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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