i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
