JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
