my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
