the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
