Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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