She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
That was an excessively violent trivia night
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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