I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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