I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
