The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
