YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
