this beer tastes like vomit already
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
