4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
