Can i not drive my cunt home
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm passing your future prison.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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