i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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