We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
