why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
