these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
