i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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