relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
