Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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