someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
