glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
