How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
