I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
