I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
