I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I have so many feelings about this burrito
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
There are leaves in my underwear?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
