I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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