so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
