I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
