he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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