so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
