This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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