hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
