I'm so fucking centered right now
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
