would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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