1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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