is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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