I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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