Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize