Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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