How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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