I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize