So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
