my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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