I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I supernannyed him into submission
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
