dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
