when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Randomize
