I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
