That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
