even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I checked into jail on foursquare
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
