is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
