mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
