I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My penis needs a shock collar
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
