We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
