Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize