i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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