can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
