My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
